![]() This done, an extended animation played from my first-person view of the chainsaw making three precise cuts into the trunk, which I really feel like I could have tried. For a game purporting to be a woodcutting simulator, my interaction with the process amounted to hitting the Spacebar. One lone tree, stood a bit not quite under the mysterious floating yellow arrow, and it sports a mysterious yellow band around its trunk. "You are not in the right position!" But then there's one. Here I find so many pine trees, and - and - they're solid! I can't use my chainsaw on them, obviously. There's a mysterious floating yellow arrow in the sky, and it's right where I'm heading. around lakes protected by pellucid walls. Heading toward it, I run and run across fields and through woods of diaphanous trees and. I've just noticed that on the minimap, about a mile from what I guess might be my house, is a tree. Two different churches! This is like Day Of The Triffids meets The Happening!īut wait, what's that? On the map. Maybe the Lord can help me? But damn their eyes, the trees have gotten there first! Their compatriots, the hedges, are impossibly extending their reach to block open paths. I grew a bit bored of waiting for anything to happen in them, and thought: hey, how hard can chopping down some trees really be? VERY HARD INDEED when the trees are bloody cheating. It's a collection of tiny, creepily silent videos that waver the mouse around the microscopic screen and don't seem to actually explain anything. I just walk straight through them, and as every woodcutter knows, if you can walk through a tree, it's especially tricky to chop it down with a chainsaw. ![]() ![]() They've turned immaterial to evade my woodcutting rectitude. To them I shall take my Chainsaw Of Justice! No. Crossing the road outside this building takes me to a grassy patch with a few tree bastards growing on it. RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.Įxcept of course I can't. You can stand there while I slaughter your brothers and sisters. Sure, you've got a chainsaw, but no way mister - you're not using it, because "You are not in the right position!" What about a sneak attack, creep up behind that bastard tree and evade its cunning bushy guards, by going around the back of the house? Nope! Invisible barrier there too! WCS2013 is not messin'.ĭamn you tree. That little bush, despite only occupying a weeny space in the middle of the front yard of a building, is guarding that tree. And so to it you charge! But you don't, because it's impossible to step forward. There's you, a first-person entity with a chainsaw HANDSOMELY slung over your right shoulder. No, instead, Woodcutter Simulator 2013 begins the game, its very first moment, standing you immediately in front of an invisible barrier. It's a horrible moment, and DAMMIT Woodcutter Simulator 2013 isn't going to make you go through that. Suddenly the suspended disbelief comes crashing down onto the floor in a pile of limbs and custard. You're running about in the game's world, merrily enjoying your freedom, and then THWACK - you're nose-smooshed against a barrier. Here's where most games go wrong with invisible walls: they save them up. I've been playing Woodcutter Simulator 2013 for approximately two minutes, and I already have so much to write about it. Look at my rugged frame! My bushy woodsman beard! LOOK AT ME HOLDING A CHAINSAW!Įxcept oh good grief. I, as a woodcutter, am burly, powerful, able to take on anything. Sure, it's already out-of-date, and likely won't feature 2014's most exciting range of woodcutting innovations, but I was prepared to suck that up and get on. There it is, near the top of Steam's list of new games: Woodcutter Simulator 2013.
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